i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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