I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
