just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
