I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
