I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
