Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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