She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
