awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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