I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish there were birth control emojis
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
