she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
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she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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