You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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