I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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