pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize