dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
