I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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