Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
