id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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