Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
