So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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