U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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