i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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