I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
