Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
