im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
