oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
