im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
