Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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