did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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