good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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