i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
