you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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