Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
