i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
