Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
