I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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