And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
