tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize