you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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