Your dad touched me again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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