evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
