can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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