I just saw a hot homeless man
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
