I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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