he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your shirt... Was in my pants
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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