We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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