i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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