at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Panties = found
Randomize
