Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
