just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
