I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
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