3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize