I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
