but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
