oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
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It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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