I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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