new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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