just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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