Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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