porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
