LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
