I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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