In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
