It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize