so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
