Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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