I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize