I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
