Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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